In Simone de Beauvoir’s contrast of men and women within the context of love, she finds that women and men view and approach love differently. She suggests that women love unconditionally, oftentimes sacrificing their own happiness and dreams in exchange of security, and that they largely do so out of a sense of dependency. She bases her stance on the inherent nature of woman as a “second sex”, a complement to, but not equal of, man. In this hierarchy, love becomes a tool, used for capturing and containing a man, in a desperate attempt to find completion, security, and comfort.

 Having been born the inferior sex, women are predisposed to dependency upon men, first upon their fathers, then later, their husbands. In finding love, women recreate the safety and comforts of their youth. Due to this inherent dependency, even women who are able to financially support and provide security for themselves will often still seek love with a man because it’s simpler, and what’s expected of them. De Beauvoir states that “Even if they can choose independence, this road seems the most attractive to a majority of women: it is agonizing for a woman to assume responsibility for her life” and blames the fact that “everything incites her to follow the easy slopes: instead of being invited to fight her own way up, she is told that she has only to let herself slide and she will attain paradises of enchantment” (pg. 3).  Transversely, de Beauvoir writes that men seek union with women simply “to take possession of her”, stating that “they wish to integrate her into their existence and not to squander it entirely on her” (pg. 1). Men, being born “essential” creatures, are able to view themselves separately of others, as their existence is based in who they are, individually. Women, on the other hand, “being doomed to immanence cannot find self-realization in acts” (pg. 2). It is within these sociologically determined, gender-based limitations of dependency and independency that the self-actualization of women is impeded.

In the woman’s pursuit of love, her key to survival and comfort, she looks to find a man who will help her become “essential”, as “it is in men’s eyes that the woman believes she has finally found herself” (pg. 4). De Beauvoir finds that in this salvation, idolatry is conceived. As her savior and protector, man is exalted beyond his mortal status, and becomes a god in her eyes. This god, considered “fallen” due to his earthly nature and lack of true supremacy, is “not a man: he is a fraud”, according to de Beauvoir (pg. 5). In his righteous state, the man cannot falter, or show any human weakness, less he becomes a disappointment in his woman’s eyes. “If he makes a mistake or contradicts himself, she asserts that he is “not himself” and she makes a grievance of it” (pg. 5). In woman’s attempt to secure her man’s love, and therefore her own safety and happiness, she adorns him with love and gives all of herself to him. De Beauvoir writes that “In making herself a slave, she has found the surest means of enchaining him. She finds that women become “jailers” in their need for constant attention and affection, as “the absence of her lover is always torture” (pg. 6). In this paradox of divinity, men are both exalted and disparaged, simply for being human. This is brilliantly reflected in de Beauvoir’s statement “They would not seem to be dwarfs if they had not been asked to be giants” (pg. 5).

Genuine love is realized only when “founded on the mutual recognition of two liberties” and thereby possessing equal and reciprocated love (pg. 8). As de Beauvoir states, “Man has no need of the unconditional devotion he claims, nor of the idolatrous love that flatters his vanity” (pg. 8). In the self-realization of woman, as an individual, independent being, the shift from being considered the “second sex” is accomplished. Once this shift has occurred, the self-possessed woman will be able to love within her strength. Rather than continue to have her salvation depend on “this despotic free being that has made her and can instantly destroy her” the woman who loves in her own strength is whole, regardless of man or his love (pg. 8). As such, she is able to complement a man with her love, and form a union based on mutual respect and admiration.

 While Simone de Beauvoir’s article on love and dependency provides a clear bias towards the oppressive societal implications surrounding gender differences in love and devotion, it also presents many valid arguments on behalf of men, in opposition to the inherent nature of the woman in love. In today’s society, more women find themselves loving in their strength, no longer victims to the patriarchal influences of de Beauvoir’s time. This is presented among both lesbian relationships and in more traditional unions, and showcases equality of strength and devotion in love. In closing, de Beauvoir’s hope that “love will become for her, as for a man, a source of life and not of mortal danger” is slowly coming to realization, strengthening our world in the balanced state of the most powerful force on earth.