By Beth Jacobs Bowen
January 5, 2018

If you’re on social media, you’ve undoubtedly come across an article, or 20, which attempts to dictate what you should or should not be doing by the time you hit some milestone age. You know, the “Going to be 30 this year? Time to stop wearing dark eyeliner” … and the… “Is the Big 4-0 knockin’ at your door? No more jeans with holes for you!” type of unsolicited, unwarranted, advice-based articles. As someone who has lived through their 20s and 30s, and is heading into that seemingly barren wasteland of anti-aging products and Botox, I decided to devise my own list of dos and don’ts for turning 40:

1. Don’t seek life advice on Social Media

Whether it’s Quizlet telling you that you should move to Istanbul, based solely on your preference of 1980s pop music, that “friend” from college, who majored in business, diagnosing you with a psychological disorder based on your Facebook statuses, or some stupid list compiled by a bored, and possibly disillusioned, writer, who’s just trying to make some money… don’t listen.

Sure, quizzes and listicles are great ways to pass time, and some friends might actually have sage advice to offer, but the reality is that social media is designed to be a chipboard in the hallway of the gymnasium of life. It provides a social cubicle for the masses, giving them their own special place to advertise and elicit response to their daily lives. It is not, however, designed to support, or even identify, truth or accuracy. Actually, it serves to do quite the opposite, and has become a cesspool of misinformation, mistruths, and misguided advice.

Consider this: I have 9 Facebook friends who are certified psychologists or psychiatrists, and in the 5 years I’ve been using the platform, not a single one has ever attempted to counsel or analyze someone publicly. However, I have at least 30 friends, who are stay-at-home moms/dads, teachers, salespeople, you name it, who attempt to diagnose others with clinical disorders nearly daily.

Don’t let anyone, anything, any list or quiz, tell you what you should or should not do with your life. Ninety percent of the people you encounter on social media are completely unqualified to offer life advice, and one hundred percent of the quizzes you take are utter nonsense… so enjoy them for what they are, just don’t make life decisions based on them.

2. Do what makes you truly happy

I don’t care if it’s singing at the top of your lungs while driving to work each morning, dancing around the kitchen naked with a glass of wine, or napping until dinner time, then going back to bed… if it makes you happy, and you aren’t hurting anyone in the process, then go for it.

This, obviously, includes eating, wearing, and liking, whatever brings you joy. If you like ripped skinny jeans, paired with your favorite Led Zeppelin t-shirt, then rock that outfit like you earned the right to do so. If you have been fortunate enough to discover that fleece-lined yoga pants are like a warm, fuzzy blanket hugging you all day (and night), and that’s the kind of comfort you’re seeking in life right now, then who cares if they’re covered in cat hair, or aren’t technically supposed to be worn to dinner?

Don’t let someone else tell you what to enjoy in this life, the whole point of growing old is figuring those things out for ourselves.

3. Don’t let others diminish your glory

Life is hard, and living it in a way that makes you proud is damn near impossible. So, if you find yourself among the few who make an effort to improve themselves, or those around them, then by all means make it known. Spread that pride, post those accomplishments… it’s contagious, you know?

When you realize your dreams, and you share your successes with others, you make them seem possible. In addition to providing a sense of completion and achievement for yourself, such triumphs serve as inspiration to others, even if some seem off-put by the display.

There will always be someone out there who will be envious of your determination, your drive, and your successes, just as there will always be someone who is inspired by such. At this point in your life, it’s past time to learn to ignore those who ridicule you or try to extinguish your light, and be proud of who you are, and what you’ve accomplished in this life.

4. Do make a bucket list

Although the term has become somewhat cliché, having a list of things you want to accomplish, places you want to see, people you want to meet, and ideas you want to explore, not only helps to fine-tune your focus to your true desires, but at this stage in life, provides you with a refined list of dreams which can finally be realized. Have you always wanted to see the Grand Canyon, the Eiffel Tower, Italy? How about skydive or go deep sea fishing? Well, now’s the time to book those trips, and make those commitments.

In your 20s, you’re lucky to be moving on from Ramen noodles and Pop-Tarts as meals, and by your 30s, you’re busy chasing toddlers and driving to and from soccer practice. Or, if you don’t have kids, you’re busy going to grad school, working 80-hour weeks, or fully committed to other time-consuming interests. Your 40s and 50s are your decades to really shine. You’ve settled into a life pace, and your finances should begin to even out, so make that list, and really put your heart into completing it.

Don’t view this list as a means to an end, or as being one step closer to death, rather, look at it as an opportunity to put adult financial backing behind your childhood dreams. Make that list, and start checking things off.

5. Don’t let aging consume your life

This is a hard one, no matter who you are. All the money and beauty products in the world can’t stop us from growing old, even if they can shift the focus from certain body parts. Yes, the aging process has really sunk its teeth in by the time you turn 40, and it seems the more you’ve enjoyed life the more it shows.

Most likely, your hair has either thinned, begun to turn grey, or has altogether fallen out. You probably have wrinkles forming, even if they are laugh lines and you’ve enjoyed making every one of them, and you now have unidentifiable spots and marks that you swear weren’t there yesterday.

Well, guess what? Some ninety-five percent of your peers are going through the same thing. Sure, you might not be able to keep up with the 20-year-olds’ #nofilter selfies, but the good news is you don’t care about that anymore. You no longer feel the need to compare yourself to people half your age, because you are finally at a place in life where you’ve learned to accept what you’ve been given, and made peace with who you are.

Instead of becoming obsessed with taking years off your face, become enamored with living your life. Don’t waste your money on products and services to make you look younger, use it to travel and explore, to continue your education, to become more charitable, an act that brings great joy.

6. Do

That’s it, just do. Don’t let society trick you into believing that you’re past your prime. The skills you’ve been building, the experiences that you’ve had, and the knowledge that you’ve gained, over the past 40 years, are finally coming together, making you an unstoppable, educated, experienced, phenom. The last thing you need to do is to throw it all away because someone else thinks you’re too old to accomplish new goals.

Whether you decide to take up martial arts, painting, hiking, photography, or any other activity or hobby, don’t let age hinder your reach. I just recently obtained a degree alongside a 93-year-old gentlemen, and have hiked miles of strenuous trails with people nearly twice my age. Age is not a limiting factor unless you allow it to be.

7. Don’t become a gossip

Join a book club, volunteer at the local soup kitchen, find an adult sports league, do whatever, but don’t waste your time putting down and discussing others. American clergyman Lawrence G. Lovasik once said “Only the ignorant and narrow-minded gossip, for they speak of persons instead of things.”

Rather than be someone who engages in mindless slander, why not be an idea spreader? Instead of discussing the lives of others, present ideas which serve to broaden the minds of those they reach. With so much to learn, see, and experience, there truly isn’t a more wasteful way to approach life.

By age 40, you should be bored with gossip and appalled by its inherent bullying nature. The Center for Disease Control reports that the second leading cause of death among 10-14-year-olds is suicide. Let that sink in, and then consider how we, as parents, educators, guardians, and leaders, serve to impact our youth. We are living in a bullying and abusive culture, and it’s up to us, as the responsible adults, to teach children compassion and empathy through action.

8. Do start planning for retirement

The best way to enjoy the next 10-20 years of life is by preparing for your golden years now. Bet on yourself and your health, then design and implement a plan for the future. We know that daily exercise helps promote healthy aging, and the same is true of our financial health. Daily work towards an established goal helps to focus our efforts on building a stable future, both for ourselves and our families.

Now is also a good time to start looking into Life Insurance, if you haven’t done so already. Wills should also be drawn to ensure that your wants and plans are seen through in the event of untimely death.

Yes, this aspect is a bit morbid, but when you have a plan for the future, you are better able to devote your focus and attention towards living in the present. Make smart financial and longevity decisions now to ensure continued comfort later in life.

9. Don’t believe the (sex) hype

Contrary to popular fiction, belief, myth, and folklore, sex in your 40s does exist. And it’s fantastic.

Ignore all those articles about impending night sweats, hot flashes, and diminished sex drives, affecting your sex life. Much like everything else mentioned in this list, good sex isn’t age-dependent.

In fact, by the time you reach 40, you know exactly what you do and don’t like in the bedroom (or anywhere else), and have grown past any nervous apprehension you may have harbored through your 20s and 30s.

You know exactly what makes you and your partner tick, and the inhibitions of the past – your experience, your body image, your self-esteem—no longer serve to influence your sex life.

10. Do look forward to this new chapter in life

While we can’t all sashay into our 40s looking or living like Jennifer Aniston, we can embrace self-love, and make peace with who we are. A little pampering and self-care go a long way in making us feel fulfilled.

Turning 40 used to mean black balloons and tombstone party favors, but today 40 isn’t even considered middle-aged. So, stop waiting for that AARP card to arrive, and start making plans for the weekend.

Wear what you like, do what you like, and be who you like… this life is a final act, don’t let anyone else direct yours.

Beth Jacobs Bowen

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In addition to writing, the author enjoys many
of the activities mentioned in the listicle
(including taking random quizzes on Facebook).

On any given Sunday, she can be found reading,
listening to her vinyl collection,
or spending time photographing nature with her family.