Love is a relative term, its type dictated by intention. Some people consider their affection for coffee to be a form of love, while others would be appalled at such a platonic use for the complex and vital condition. When it comes to romantic love, or love that lends itself to marriage or union, the intentions behind such bonds ultimately determine the success of the unions. In the story The Top and Ball, the naturally doomed fate of obsessive love, based solely on attraction, is displayed in the top’s desperate attempt to woo the ball.

Marriage based on proximity is not a novel concept. Many societies are limited in their populations, and those that don’t require pre-arranged marriages still insist that unions be within their society. This same proximal constraint is what originally prompts the top to ask the ball to marry it. In the limitations set beyond their control, the top is forced to choose from his immediate surroundings. So, when the top feels compelled to marry the ball, he is doing so out of a natural need to connect. He does not know this object, or have any real affection for it, nor has he considered what it means to love something forever, even beyond its years of beauty and usefulness. Therefore, the top does not love the ball, as it convinces itself it does when it realizes that it cannot have it, rather, it becomes obsessed with the idea of aligning itself with an object of beauty, that is considered desirable.

Much like the top has confused desire for love, the ball has a warped idea of what is important in a mate. When it refuses to even respond to the proposal from the top, the ball gives no consideration to the top’s qualities, outside of its physical appearance, whatsoever. Due to its own ego, the ball decides to pursue marriage with a sparrow, as it saw a better opportunity for itself in a nest. Later, when the ball and top meet in the dust bin, the ball refers to the top as “one of my own class”. The ball, no longer a desirable and attractive object, now considers the top to be of the same status as itself. Its attitude changed from the elevated sense of self-worth that prevented it from considering marriage to the top all those years ago.

When considering the intentions behind a marriage, both the top and the ball have distorted views of what constitutes love. The ball longs for status, and holds itself above others. It feels that its composition and beauty garners a better life than that which a top in a toy box can provide. The top, also possessing a delusional sense of what love should be, longs for that which is unattainable, primarily because it is unattainable. Neither object has any understanding of what constitutes love, or what the true purpose of marriage is.

Without mutual affection, respect, and understanding of what is important in love and life, there is little hope for a successful marriage. In our vanity and obsessive tendencies, it is easy to become wrapped up in the prospect of love and marriage, without exploring the truths behind the ideals. All beauty fades, all purposes wane, and unions that are created with only physical and material bonds will eventually fall through the weak foundations they are built upon.

Love, friendship, and marriage; three basic bonding elements of human nature, whose ever-changing, symbiotic relationships provide the type of connections that Venn Diagram Lovers dream of. Each exists independent of the others, yet when combined, they form an intensely strong bond. They provide the foundations for life, forming human connections that yield and shape our lives. Love friendship, and marriage can be studied collectively or individually, with many of the same attributes applying to each bond, as well as, individual traits within each type. To explore the relationship between these bonds, one must first determine what makes for success in each type. It is necessary to explore what constitutes prosperity of love, friendship, and marriage, individually.

Love is an invisible force that can be both a source of great power, and one of great demise. With so many different variations and types of love it would seem impossible to find common ground between them all. From familial love, to spousal love, to the love of material objects or ideas, each bond made in the name of love is built upon one, or more, of five founding elements: kindness, compassion, respect, admiration, and attraction. While it is not necessary that all love meets all of these elemental requirements, to have no compassion, respect, admiration for, or kindness towards, an object or person is not to love, or have love for them. Love can be requited or unrequited, and still exist, but it cannot be truly successful if only one-sided. It can be both unconditional, as in the love of a parent, or conditional, as in the puppy love of high school sweethearts. Love generally strives for longevity, and usually requires a good temperament and tons of patience for everlasting realization.

Regardless of the type, there are common themes present in bonds based on love. A general sense of compassion and kindness towards someone, or something, that is considered to be loved, is necessary in order to ensure that the well-being of the loved is cared for. Respect for and towards loved ones is vital to the bond, as well. In mutual respect, love finds peace and harmony. Honesty and faithfulness are also extremely important, in terms of a physical and emotional love, such as the type between lovers and spouses. Remaining true to one’s lover is a marker of self-control, and shows great respect towards their partner. Communication is the greatest tool for ensuring honesty is present within a bond of love. Honesty also is crucial in many types of love. The love between a parent and child, spouses, and other friends and family members, is best built upon honesty and openness.

Friendship is the bonding of two, or more, people through common interests, occupations, religion, sports, networking, and other environmental factors. When we meet someone that we find interesting, it is natural to want to learn more about that person. When we begin to devote time and effort towards discovering another person, we are creating a relationship. These non-romantic relationships lead to bonds that are built upon mutual respect, admiration, and interest.

                Friendship requires many of the same aspects that love does in order to be successful. While most friendships don’t require the amount of time and effort a romantic relationship would, there are still basic needs that must be met. Honesty and openness are crucial to a successful friendship. If a person cannot depend on their friends to level with them on important issues, then there is little hope that the bond will remain very strong between them. In addition to honesty and openness, trust and faithfulness are also important within a friendship. To be a friend means to support and protect another, whether they are around or not. It is not a conditional bond, or one that is easily forgotten in the absence of the other. Rather, it is a bond that transcends distance, time, and event.

                In today’s age of technology and social media, it is quite possible for friendships to develop between people who have not physically met. With video chat, text messaging, and a world of connections at our fingertips, virtual reality is as prominent as physical reality. While tangible contact is generally necessary to further develop a romantic relationship, the value of friendship increases with time and effort, not with physical interaction. The idea that we can network virtually with someone, regardless of our proximity, facilitates many opportunities for communication, within friendships and relationships, that were not previously accessible.

When love and friendship blend well, it often leads to marriage. While these two traits are important for establishing the initial relationship that leads to marriage, there are three crucial aspects of marriage which allow for success. Compassion, for oneself and especially one’s spouse, is vital to a successful marriage. A sense of compassion fills a marriage with peace and love. Another important aspect of a successful marriage is respect. With any relationship, respect is a common need. To respect your mate is to love them, to respect your vows of commitment is to honor your marriage. Without respect, a marriage becomes unbalanced, with heaviness overpowering lightness. Lastly, attraction is necessary for a successful marriage. This can be physical, mental, or spiritual attraction, or a combination of elements. It is in the attraction we feel towards another person that the basis for love and marriage form.

Marriages built upon these three fundamental requirements are strong, and unyielding to the pressures of life. They form an unbreakable bond, that states in its inception, that “no man shall put asunder”. However, there are some instances where marriages should end. Unfortunately, not all marriages are built upon love and respect. History tells us that arranged marriages, forced marriages, and marriages of opportunity have always been around, and many societies still support these types of marriages. While it is the custom of many of these societies, and therefore accepted, in the cases of marital abuse, neglect, or emotional distress, I feel that the marriage should be dissolved. Human rights beg us to disallow such abuse and control.

Love, friendship, and marriage are among the most coveted goals of human interaction. At a very young age, we begin to form bonds of mutual admiration and respect among our peers and families. We learn that through interaction with others our lives are enhanced. We discover that hardships and difficulties are easier to face with an ally and a support system. Most importantly, we realize that love and friendship add to our existence, and make our time on earth more fulfilling.